Experiments in being human

There are NO failed experiments.

Tag: self love

  • Experiment #1002 – Breaking Up With Perfectionism

    The more complacent parts of me sometimes wish that I could unsee things, or unhear things, or unknow things, but I can’t. I have experimented in life enough to have experienced the truth in some things. I have also tried to turn my back to what I know and I became very sick.

    In this moment, as I begin to make moves to create this website, it requires a tremendous act of self love – calling bullshit on myself. I am telling my FEAR of failure, FEAR of not being good enough, FEAR of not knowing how to do something, and FEAR of not knowing where it is all going to STOP masquerading as perfectionism.

    Perfectionism is such an enchanting seductress. When I have a relationship with her, when I let her into my headspace, she opens the door to paralyzing overwhelm and procrastination. Before too long, I’m in bed with regret, discontentment, and restlessness.

    If I am not careful, soon I will want a head space change. Instead of chasing dreams that arise from within me which are soul satisfying, I begin to daydream and romanticize about chasing things outside of me to feel at peace which are more of the soul sucking variety. At best, chasing the external comforts, offer temporary relief, but overtime, often come at a great cost. The most toxic relationship I have ever had, by far is the one i have had with myself.

    Interesting how learning how to love myself seems to be so closley connected to pusuing my dreams. The more love I have, the less room there is for naysayers, such as that overly critical part of myself -perfectionism. If it were up to my perfectionism I wouldn’t ever be done writing this post. It may even eat up my entire day at the expense of having balance in my life. 

    So I guess this is what it is. And this is where I start –  right here, right now, just as I am. Perfectly imperfect. Any act of creation inherently means an act of destruction.

    So let this website be the act that declares my breakup with perfectionism, procrastination, and overwhelm. And as in ending any relationship whom time has come, “Thank you, you served your purpose, and now I am breaking up with you!”

  • Experiment #999 – Extreme Experimenting

    Undoubtedly, I have lived extremely experimentally. 

    Now approaching 45, I am fully aware of the answer to “What’s the worst that can happen? To say that I am someone who has had to “learn the hard way” is an understatement. Calling me a “hands on learner”, albeit very true, could also be a gentle way of describing my inner ass hole – the part of me that always thought I knew better than anyone else.

    It took going from “I am the shit”, to eating shit enough times, to then believing I was a piece of shit and acting on this belief before I could graduate from the School of Hard Knocks and move on to spiritual kindergarten where I am being fed humble pie instead. 

    The great thing about entering spiritual kindergarten is that I  GET to show up just as I am, scraped up knees and all. I get to learn or rather remember what it is like to be a spirit being in human form. From this perspective my enthusiasm for life is renewed on a daily basis, there are so many experiments to be had, so are soooooo many unexplored frontiers of self discovery. 

    By offering my authentic self to the world- in reflective writing, artwork, fashion mockups, poetry, floral design, movements, music; and share the resources and wisdom that has been shared with me….Perhaps, you friend, will see my offering as an invitation to show up just as you are, onto the playground called life. 

    Let’s learn to be present in each other’s presence however we show up, as a gift to ourselves, as an offering to each other, and for the benefit of all beings. This is the legacy I wish to leave for my children.

    More about the author.

    ………

    There is another side of living experimentally that can not be denied. I have also been able to discover the answer to “What is the best that can happen?”